I’ve been gone a couple of weeks again. My life has been hectic for the past couple of months, and today I am thankful that it is about to slow down a little. My husband and I just purchased our first house, which is something I never thought I would do. Or be approved for. But we were, and this is the week we are moving. Plus, I just quit a second job which was keeping me away from living life for the past six weeks. And while I enjoyed having some money whose spending I owed no explanations for, it was just too much for this middle-aged body to work two jobs. It was also too much for my poor dog, who had come to feel that all she and I did was go to bed at night when I got home, other people were walking and feeding her. But just because I wasn’t here doesn’t mean that questions do not plague me. Life is still complicated and full of things that don’t make sense.
For example, have any of you ever experiences, or given the new, quick succession, “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” to someone in conversation? I’ve sort of adopted it in conversation without thinking about it, but now that it has become ubiquitous, I’ve begun to feel that it is a way of telling the speaker to “hurry up!” Are we so busy that we can’t let another person finish a thought? Are we so sure that we already know what someone is trying to say that we just want them to get it said so we can move on?
My mom, whom I love dearly, is a “rose colored glasses” kind of conservative when it comes to American history. She wants to read books only about the great myths of perfection of our forefathers. Being the skeptic that I am, I tend to see people as both evil and good, and I know the founders all had flaws. I know, for example, that despite what congresswoman Michelle Bachman of Minnesota says, the founders were all slave owners, and did NOT work tirelessly to end slavery. But recently I wondered if those rose colored glasses be good to a point. We have all kinds of mythologies telling us of great deeds of gods and heroes, and there is always a lesson in those stories, whether they are from the Greeks and Romans, the Egyptians, Native Americans, the Celts or whomever. Always a lesson. So maybe, whether it is teaching children the value of telling the truth with a story about chopping down a cherry tree, or the endurance required for fighting wars with stories of Washington crossing the Potomac, maybe the mythologizing of our founding fathers isn’t such a bad thing.
Have any of you ever known someone who is always perky? Bouncy? Cheerful? Have you ever really examined the faces of those people when they are being perky? Scrutinize one. Watch the lips; the eyes. I have come to see that almost every person I’ve ever known who had the bouncy, perky personality has a deep, deep well of hidden rage that shows in her (I don’t mean to be sexist, if I am, but I can only think of two males in my whole life that this applies to,) face if you look closely. And yes, those two males I am thinking of, now that I think on it a little more, also had that hidden rage. It reminds me of all the interviews with neighbors of people who commit mass shootings or horrific domestic abuse who say, “He seemed like such a nice guy.” “They were just a normal family.” I remember when Kathy Lee Gifford, who is very famous for her perkiness on national TV, but when it was whispered that some of the companies making products bearing her name might be using child labor, that hidden rage exploded to the surface. So I guess this is not so much a question as a warning; beware of perky rage.
In my job I often have to ask people for their medicare numbers. Sometimes an older woman will have a medicare number that is her husband’s social security number. But that is never the case with an older man-his medicare number is always his own social security number. Men are not their wives’ dependents, according to social security. Thinking about this led me to noticing how many men I know who are married, but do not wear wedding bands. Including my husband. I don’t know if it is a majority or not, but I know that if I went to work without my wedding ring on, people would ask me if everything was okay. This, again, is not a question, and I apologize for violating the purpose of my blog, but….oh, fuck it…why is this okay? If a woman is expected to wear the evidence of being married on her body to avoid having people think she’s a hussy, why shouldn’t a married man?
Tonight being Thanksgiving, and so many people preparing to go out shopping, discount hunting, and generally not taking what, in America, if we’re going to call it a “holiday,” which breaks down to “holy day,” I have a question for you related to the behavior of some people toward retail workers. How can you teach your children not to be bullies if you berate sales people into giving you discounts you do not deserve? If you are going to bully the workers who make it possible for you to feed your greed and materialism…the example you set teaches your children WAY more than anything you tell them.
So…until this past Tuesday, but only for the past seven weeks, I was working two jobs. It was quite wearing to a middle aged woman, on top of getting all the stuff together to buy our first house. We are moving in tomorrow, and all the busy-ness is why I’ve been MIA for awhile. But, as I said earlier, questions plague me. If anyone has an answer, or an argument about the basis for my questions, I’m all ears. I wish you all love.