Is Ignorance Curable?

by And the White Lion Roars!

And the white lion roars!

And the white lion roars!

Well, how about this! It sometimes takes me a month or more to post, and here we have two in one day. This one started out to be a Facebook post to entertain my friends with my ignorance and ineffectuality as a pioneer woman. My husband and I bought our first house at the end of 2013. The builders put sod down in all the front yards, but left the backyard to us. This subdivision was built on an old riverbed, and so is full of rocks, sandy dirt, and it grows native weeds gloriously. My husband and I have, not fought, but strongly disagreed about how to take care of this. He used to work for a division of the worst of all ECG’s (my term for evil corporate giants,) and Roundup is his weed remover of choice. He also wants to hire someone to put in a yard and garden. I argue that it would be a great point of pride for us to do the work ourselves. But every time I think I’m going to spend some time doing that I want to cry because it is so overwhelming that I just can’t figure out where to start. Once last year our grandson came for a visit from Illinois, and he and I were playing in the front yard. He kept going to front flower beds, picking up rocks and bringing them to our yard. Kind of like Tom Sawyer, I got the brilliant idea that if he enjoyed picking up rocks…I took him to the backyard and showed him how we could put rocks into the wheelbarrow. He lost interest very quickly. I guess Mark Twain was only half right.

So, at the end of winter I had wonderful hopes for getting this yard/garden started. We had some extra money coming in, we were going to be able to hire someone to put the yard in, and we were going to start the garden, saving money on both food and the chemicals on the produce we buy at the grocery store. I was going to start baking my own bread, making my own ketchup, tomato sauce, mayo, pickles, etc. Big pioneer woman dreams. Now, last year I did plant sunflowers, and it was a huge thrill for me. They were beautiful, and I got thousands of seeds that I need to get planted soon (it is May now, after all!) So began today’s adventure. I had been putting coffee grounds, egg shells, and fruit into a plastic tub with a lid to be used for fertilizing all those delicious, organic vegetables we would be growing. But somehow, this fabulous wet spring we’ve had this year, the lid got blown off the tub and it was full of rainwater. But first, I had bigger things to tackle; I’d found some rocks that are GINORMOUS. So much so that I had a hard time finding the bottom of one of them. But today I finally got there and discovered that the rock, though loosened, was too big to move. So I called a neighbor (hubby’s working) and asked for some muscle. He came over, but since we’ve both had surgically repaired shoulders, and he has a back so bad that he’s permanently on opioids, he wouldn’t help me with the rock. We walked over to that revolting, loathsome, disgusting compost tub full of black water with maggots and who knows what floating in it. He couldn’t move it by himself, nor could the two of us together move it. We stood there trying to figure out what to do. I decided to take the hose and flush the dirty water out of it, then dump it. The neighbor left and I got to work, but before he did he mentioned that with coffee grounds and tea bags in the bucket, the water might never get clear. So I tried the flushing thing for a bit, and he was right, nothing was clarified. So I came inside and got a pot to start dipping the water out, taking every precaution to keep from being touched by any of the grotesqueries away. Needless to say, it smelled like a disgusting, rotting swamp. In short order I got to the bottom of the water and decided to get that famous wheelbarrow, shovel out the actual compost and then finish the job of getting that rot-water out. So, job done, overwhelming feelings winning out-I came back into the house, my hands and legs splattered with that foul smelling water. The house is a mess, by the way. But I only have one question to answer right now. Should I take a nap, or start drinking early?